Random Dad Jokes

Jokes in this collection

• Why did the novelist start a garden?

  The plot.

• What did the toddler yell in the gold mine?

  Mine!

• I bought a book about reverse psychology.

  Don’t read it.

• A Roman, a pirate, and a SQL query walk into a bar.

  The Roman holds up two fingers for five beers. The pirate orders the C. The query asks to join them. The bartender resigns.

• A semaphore signalman walks into a bar and raises both arms.

  'Help.' The bartender already called someone.

• I have a joke about time travel.

  You didn't like it.

• What do you call a magician who lost his magic?

  Ian.

• I have an inferiority complex.

  But it's not a very good one.

• Why did the man throw his clock out the window?

  He wanted to see time fly.

• What's red and bad for your teeth?

  A brick.

• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

  She looked surprised.

• Why do bees hum?

  Because they don't know the words.

• What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

  Still no eye-deer.

• What do you call a deer with no eyes?

  No eye-deer.

• A termite walks into a bar and asks…

  'Is the bartender here?'

• Why can't you trust stairs?

  They're always up to something.

• What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

  A pouch potato.

• What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

  A receding hare-line.

• A ghost walks into a bar.

  Bartender says, 'Sorry — we don't serve spirits here.'

• What has a head and a tail but no body?

  A coin.

• My wife accused me of being immature.

  I told her to get out of my fort.

• My wife said I had to stop acting like a flamingo.

  I had to put my foot down.

• I was going to tell you a joke about time travel.

  But you didn't like it.

• I asked the librarian if they had books about paranoia.

  She whispered, 'They're right behind you.'