Food Dad Jokes

Jokes in this collection

• Why did everyone leave the cheese counter?

  Grating.

• Why did the party drink pick a fight?

  Punch.

• Why did the ice cream get home late?

  Rocky road.

• A vegan says to a butcher, 'Do you have any vegetarian options?'

  The butcher points at the door. 'Leaves.'

• I poured root beer into a square glass.

  Now I just have beer.

• I ordered a chicken and an egg online.

  I'll let you know which comes first.

• What do you call a cow with two legs?

  Lean beef.

• A sandwich walks into a bar.

  Bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

• What do you call a fish with no eyes?

  A fsh.

• I tried to come up with a vegetable pun.

  I'm drawing a blank... or a blanc, if we're talking leeks.

• What do you call a belt made of watches?

  A waist of time. (I put this in Food Dad because I was stress-eating when I thought of it.)

• I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night.

  Should've put it on aloha temperature.

• I'm writing a book about eggs.

  I'll crack it eventually.

• What do you call it when a burger eats another burger?

  A cannibal-wich. Actually, just a great Tuesday.

• Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino?

  Because he was on a roll.

• I told my son to stop playing with salt and pepper.

  He said he was just seasoning himself.

• What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

  Sofishticated.

• Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

  It felt crumby.

• What do you call a cow with no legs?

  Ground beef.

• What's a vampire's favorite fruit?

  A blood orange.

• Why did the cookie cry?

  Because its mom was a wafer so long.

• I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.

  The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

• What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

  Depresso.

• Why don't eggs tell jokes?

  They'd crack each other up.